Futaba of Clayton Wu

Subject:	Ling Ling Dumplings
Time:	9:01 pm.

I never write in my Xanga. I think it's some sort of taboo to write textual accounts of anything on a xanga because I had hated reading other people's inane babble. I only browsed Xangas for the pictures. Holy shit, this isn't my xanga. The only reason I am writing this is because one night at work I had come upon some poetic thought about my job at Costco. Okay here:

The tactic that Costco employs to make profit, which seems to be working, is to try and move as much product with as little markup as possible. That means damaged goods are a big big deal to Costco. For every $5 jar of pickles you as an employee breaks, Costco needs to sell $50 dollars oc Pickles just to make even, or something like that. Anything frozen or refrigerated that the customer doesn't want at the last minute while ringing stuff up has to go back to the industrial freezer sections of Costco. Those section are way in the back. The person that runs them back is me and the cashier assistants of all of Costco America, Korea, Canada, Japan, Mexico, UK and Taiwan. Basically a cashier assistant is a bag boy, but more than that. You're a box boy too, and a count the items boy, and a move that heavy shit up out of the cart to check if the customer is hiding stuff boy, also a run to get items people forgot to buy boy, or run to put stuff back boy, and things get complicated if you're a girl. Just go back and replace boy with girl. The air becomes humid with personalities. That cashier area get's hot fast. Not hot physically. You don't work up that much of a sweat. Your brain sweats. Thank you sir, yes mam. Everything is like a repeat of 2 minutes before. People get blurry. Thank you Mam, Yes sir. It's the most stifling environment I've ever endured. You feel like you're breathing liquid air because you can't ever catch your breath, but you don't seem to lose it either. Back to my story:

So recently there was a coupon for Ling Ling Dumplings. Ling Ling dumplings are yellow bags of frozen dumplings with a panda mascot on the front. He likes to wave to me. I hate the idea of commercialized traditional foods. It's white people enslaving the enchiladas and sushis of the food world. It always tastes the same. The curry chicken to the fried rice. This is culinary conquest without prejudice. Anyways back to my point:

The coupon probably made the Ling Ling Dumplings very, very cheap because everyone seems to be buying them, but no one notices that it says limit one per household. Most of the time it's just customers bringing to the register two bags and saying oh shoots... I don't want this shit if it's going to cost the regular Costco wholesale price! Here boy take this back. Sometimes people will think so highly of themselves for noticing this deal and buy a whole box of 10. Either way, once the customer doesn't want it, I have to run it back. This is the best part of my day. When I get to that freezer door I pull it open with exuberance. I stand chest out and throw my head into that industrial freezer section where the dumplings are kept. Immediately condensation settles on my nose. My face stops writhing and welcomes the cool breeze. And then I breathe in. It's like what I was breathing before was not air, what I was breathing before was 1/4 earth air, 1/4 customer tension, 1/4 if I don't do this right I'll get fired, and 1/4 I hope they fire me soon. The cool air solidifies my brain. I think so clearly that it becomes euphoric. The high of thinking clearly. I can only take a few puffs before the lady cooking up Ling Ling samples starts to notices me. So I quickly put back the bag and wait for my next opportunity for this freeing moment. I can account for each Ling Ling bag that I put back each day since the sale started. Going back to the register is like digging my way back to hell with a spoon.

So if you shop at Costco, please bring an extra bag of Ling Ling Dumplings to the cash registers and tell them you don't want this bag, please run it back to the fridges.

here is my first paycheck ever:
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